Attitude 

My wife once received a complaint call about my elder son Ayaan from his school; just like most teenagers, he was also up to some mischief, which is why he got in trouble. I was traveling on an assignment out of the country, and that’s when my wife called to inform me about it. The good thing that my wife did was that she told me about it without hiding from me. Secondly, as the head of the family, I need to keep order but also, at the same time, strike a balance. I asked my wife to put Ayaan on the call; instead of scolding or yelling at him, I asked him to pull any of his notebook or school diary and turn to the last page. I asked him to write “Attitude is everything” and “Perception management.” 

Then I explained to him that your entire life would revolve around these two things: “Attitude” and “Perception.” It’s imperative to fix your attitude positively and make sure how people and this entire perceive you to be. Both these things are in your own hands. You shouldn’t be perceived in any negative or wrong way; therefore, you need to ensure you are not to be seen with any of such people or at any such place that gets you involved in trouble. This conversation has stuck with him and resonated with him to date. I told him our beloved Prophet taught us to avoid negativity and fights. A Muslim must be perceived to be an honest and decent person. 

As parents, we have a huge responsibility and are answerable to ALLAH for raising these kids. How and what we speak to our kids impacts them lifelong. 

I remember another instance when I was informed that my elder son, Ayaan, had fractured his arm playing soccer. He was crying in pain and was also disheartened that he wouldn’t be able to play the rest of the season. I rushed home, and as soon as I saw him, he showed his plastered arms and looked at me with disappointment; his face dropped. He was about to cry and was expecting me to be sympathetic toward him, but instead, I told him that this is all part of growing up and how you will become strong if you don’t go through these experiences. This is an opportunity to get messages from your friends on the plaster cast. In fact I was the first one to write a message saying “All this swag I got from my dad”. He changed his attitude immediately; instead of crying, his chin was up, and he had a brave face. That’s when, as a parent, I understood the power and impact that positive words can have on a child’s heart. 

A few years later, Ayaan participated in a roller skating competition where he performed miserably. He came almost to the last position. Being an extremely competitive child, he cannot accept defeat easily. He looked at me with his dropped face in the audience and was highly disappointed with himself; he removed his skates and guards and walked towards me with shoulder dropped, and he was almost about to cry. That’s when I said, let’s go to the finest restaurant and celebrate. He asked me with surprise, “Celebrate”?. I said, yes, let’s celebrate your defeat so that you never fear defeat again. So that you always feel free to participate in anything you are not good at. It takes a lot of courage to participate in something you are not good at. Let’s celebrate. We both laughed at it by having our favorite snacks and ice cream. Our attitude changed the entire negative situation into a positive one that we both remember to date. 

I remember another instance when I was called by my younger son Affaan’s middle school teacher to meet her at her office as he was involved in a fight with his classmate. I told the teacher that, first of all, we as parents take all these things exceptionally seriously; that being said, there must be a strong reason for this happening. The teacher assured me that it was just stupid boys’ stuff, which she had taken care of, and this meeting was procedural. Affaan walked into the teacher’s office with dropped shoulders and teary eyes, expecting to receive a scolding from me. On the contrary, I hugged and kissed him and said he had nothing to worry about; I was there. His attitude immediately changed. We were once again able to change a negative situation into a positive one. We went home and have yet to speak about it. 

I believe resistance breeds persistence; therefore, we can always choose the most straightforward way instead of complicating things just by “striking a balance.”